Niklas' blog

I hate going on the so-called Finland ferry. It’s a Swedish classic, as Jens Lekman would put it. Mostly used by teenagers who are on the brink of being legally allowed to drink alcohol in public places and 70-90-years-olds, the Finland ferries are also visited by drunks, children who don’t know any better than to fake illness to get out of it but don’t (perhaps thinking it might actually be fun) and people like myself, who know better, are dragged there by the company on obligatory grounds. For conference purposes and a little “kick-off activity”.

Here are pictures in chronological order, oldest->newest, top->bottom.

Be aware: at least one of the pictures below contains bodily fluids (not from anybody I know, including myself). Thank you, Birka Cruises.

“Elevator” vs “To the sea”. Funny.

We were allowed on-board but disallowed use of our cabins and hence were placed in limbo, which means we had to stay at a pub where everybody were kind of drunk. Apparently, those people – who could have exited the ferry if they’d liked to – just hung around and drunk beer until they weren’t allowed to stay on the ship any longer.

One of my colleagues had brought a chocolate Santa Claus which was past its sell-by date. Knowing this didn’t stop him from devouring it.

My cabin! Note parrot on the right-hand wall. Undocumented bonus: the left wall being covered in badly printed clouds partly covered by a blue sky.

Ah yes, and they said WordArt wouldn’t last. Or: where Amiga 500s went to work after we thought they’d died.

I felt all Miami Vice up in thurr! Especially with the yellow walls, somehow matching sun with sick. That, in combination with the marble floor, makes me feel all cool and exclusive. Like “Scarface” re-hashed following a punch in the face.

While staying in limbo, a lone projector displayed the upcoming, fun activities.

18:30: Google translates “lättsam” as “easy-going” or “undemanding”. The first line translates to “undemanding quiz”.

19:15 – “Entertainment Host Patrik Entertains” – Well, I guess he would! Entertains with a capital “E”. Sadly, missed out on that one.

God. I can’t go on.

This is not snatched from a “Twilight Zone” episode where the souls of demon croupiers haunt the halls of an abandoned Las Vegas forever.

This is a Finland ferry, bitch!

At least the painted skies were blue. Or, rather, a yellowish blue on a yellowish white.

A (faux) night sky as seen from below (!) at a pub.

I shot this picture from my boss’ cabin, where the ceiling was mirrored.

This is part of my dinner. As the sole vegetarian I was served this as my main course. It’s a quinoa-based mix of vegetables, oddly soft vegetables, somewhat odd-tasting physalis and a half-assed hummus. It was all very weird, but I thought nothing more of it.

Following dinner my body retired. Food poisoning, you beast you.

At 7am-ish the boat reached the Finnish harbours. Of course we weren’t allowed to set foot on Finnish soil. That would have been too much fun.

Bonus! Bonus! While attending our company conference the day after, I felt woozy as I was getting back to life while combatting waves and my nightly ordeal, but somebody was far ahead (or below) me: 20 meters before this pic was taken, trails of vomit were found on the wall-to-wall carpet, leading up to and on the bathroom door.

A cleaner had been dispatched; what a horrid job. Working on a Finland ferry, that must be work of Sisyphos proportions.

A little patch in the archipelago. There were quite a few of these about, including strange little houses on some of them that were really cut-off from all other forms of life (bar us idiots on the Finland ferries).

At the duty-free.

One of the gleaming 1970s plush walkways just outside my cabin.

Exiting the boat. Oh, supreme pleasure. Just before this moment, a 50-70-year-old woman got in front of me, looked me in the face and said “Anneli? Anneli? Anneli?!”; this is a female name. She was pushed away from me by a friend who looked like a shorter version of Aileen Wournos.

All in all: please, never again…

Listening to Shearwater’s “Palo Santo”.

Mia showed me a video of Will and Patrick playing semi-acoustic songs live and they went into my heart. As She does in many more ways that I’ll never understand, in ways I’ll forever be happy for.

The only times I truly want to get lost are with her. Only with you.

Yup, that’s a real-live working rat trap.

A while back, Mia and I saw “The Time Traveler’s Wife“, which was a big mistake. The past night, my subconscious apparently tried to get back at me for that.

My nightware probably seems “get over it!” to you, but felt horrible. In it, Mia and I knew I was going to die at a specific date. We lived life until that date, until which the nightmare played like a film – a few scenes from some years, a birthday celebrated here, a trip abroad there, chatting together over coffee, meeting friends and family – all flitted through until the day I was to die.

We were sitting on our bed at home, looking through souvenirs we’d picked up together, reading letters written to each other over the years. The bedroom was all white, even stuff that’s not white in real life. Mia looked into my eyes and kissed me. Tears flowed and we both knew it was only a matter of minutes until I’d die. I remember thinking the worst thing isn’t dying, it’s that I’d be without Mia.

If there’s a higher power, I wish that I’ll never experience that dream again!

Woo! Coming soon, “Don’t Think“, a concert film starring The Chemical Brothers, as directed by Adam Smith. Looks like the one concert film I’d love to see since Soulwax’s “Part Of The Weekend Never Dies“.