My reactions to Nightwish’s “The Greatest Show On Earth”

2016-05-18_0803_01You have got to be fucking joking. Oh, you’re not.

I accepted a challenge of sorts, i.e. to listen to Nightwish‘s song “The Greatest Show On Earth“.

I’ve tried to listen to this lot before, with catastrophic results; I’ve always slagged this band off as a distorted version of Robert Wells with hubris and computers, but this time, I didn’t know that I’d accepted to listen through a 24-minute-long track. Well, challenge accepted.

Here’s the video, and here are my thoughts as typed while listening to the track for the first (and only) time:

01:00: I suddenly realised that I missed Sokolov a lot.
01:35: this sounds a lot like an intro to a fantasy TV series.
02:00: the Yamaha DX-7 really lives!
02:20: LOTR.
02:30: I wonder for how long they’re going to play the same notes using both the Enya flute and the “piano”.
03:00: oboe. why?
03:10: will they stop playing scales? Why is the sound “spirit voices” from the DX-7 there?
03:20: why a human voice over the robotic Yamaha voices?
04:00: why does it sound as though she’s singing while leaning back?
04:10: kettle drums. Eurovision 2013.
04:40: scales and the Enya-Yahama voice again.
04:50: wow. synth violins.
05:00: but god. why? LOTR was 10 years ago?
05:20 “sumptuous planet”. I NEVER thought anyone would use the word “sumptuous” about a planet.


06:10: when will it end? Metallica, what have you done?
06:30: everything we needed. Power chords over a twinkling of synths.
07:00: Bonnie Tyler’s anemic sister before warming up her voice.
07:20: “we are a universe”. wow.
07:57: wow. chemistry pop.
08:15: “we are one”. mmm.
08:50: equal parts double bass drum and wishing nightwish were better than this.
09:20: “the wonder of birth”. mmm.
09:32: “every form most beautiful”. what? “Most beautiful”?
11:00: as though the BBC had never made a nature show.
11:30: just because you _can_ do this, you _should not_ do this.
12:20: wow. what a voice. Is it Robert Wells?
13:xx: “the architecture of understanding”?
13:15: “enter history/the grand finale”?
13:20: “enter ratkind”

Why all the “enter”?
It’s as though dramaturgy does not exist and has never existed .
Why are they using a way of writing which they don’t master? why all the references to nature? are they fucking with the listeners?

14:10: Yamaha pan flutes.
14:20: I wonder if they will inject a banjo–
14:35: yes.
14:45: electronic bass drums for ONE bar.
15:00 “he gave birth to poetry” – ? – and the rest of it…inexplicable.

I agree with the concept of great art generating questions, but this is simply moronic.

16:00: “we were here” – perhaps a trace of something interesting.
16:30: no.
16:50: nightwish ought to have loads of money. why aren’t they buying decent synth sounds? the strings really sound DX-7. Totally. The Beatles managed to create better string sounds using a _mellotron_ in the 1960s.
17:40: we’re taking the hobbits to GoT-gard.
18:10: “we are going to die/and that makes us the lucky ones”

they have no idea of what I’m thinking of them right now.

18:40: “greater poets than Keats” – why KEATS?!?
19:00: “in our ordinariness” – what!? they mention Keats and use a banjo? How is this “ordinariness”?
19:30: god. everything is special effects. Every second is showmanship. Why?
20:00: the fan video is less dramatic than what is heard while watching.
20:20: is this nightwish? is this just a cruel joke by [person who challenged me to see/hear this]?
21:00: the creaking must be from Robert Wells’ rocking chair. That he’s sitting in while having made this in fifteen minutes.
21:30: what happened to Stockhausen? Kraftwerk? Black Sabbath?
21:45: I hope Stephen Hawking and Richard Dawkins never ever hear this.
22:30: one long fade-out?
22:45: the gurgling must be from fans of nightwish who are trying to say they want more.
23:00: one minute left. what am I going to listen to after this?
23:20: my hands are trembling.
23:30: I’m thinking of when I was 12 years old and tried to make up great endings for mixtapes I made.
23:52: wow. I did this.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Translate to:

2 Responses to “My reactions to Nightwish’s “The Greatest Show On Earth””

  1. Angela Says:

    ummm…dunno how to break this to ya, but Richard Dawkins did all those spoken word bits in that song and the whole album. Also not Yamaha pan flutes. They actually have a flutist /piper as a band member.

  2. Niklas Pivic Says:

    Well, I\’m not that surprised. By any of it. The song is still vapid and horrid. But thank you!

Leave a Reply